I am a rather avid user of StumbleUpon, and it’s pretty much guaranteed that a lengthy stumbling session will result in some form of webpage that mercilessly lampoons the polarising mound of dung that is Twilight. This time it was an article on http://www.io9.com which posed the question: what would the Twilight stories have been like under the pen of another writer, rather than that of the godawful waste of ink that is Stephanie Meyer. Can you tell that I’m not her biggest fan? Call me crazy, but wrapping up Mormon beliefs into every teen girl’s fantasy and then throwing in a demon baby and lots of blood isn’t exactly what I would call literature. And I am completely lost for words on the merit of a teenage boy falling in love with a newborn as a romantic plot device.
Anyway, enough Twiglit bashing, back to the article. My personal favourite is that of Haruki Murakami (devised by a commenter called Benk):
Bella has sex with Edward, who is half a ghost. Jacob is a talking cat. Most of the prose is given over to descriptions of Bella making pasta.