The Jobseekers’ Slump

After months of serious jobseeking, during which I have been sustained by one thoroughly brilliant (but sadly unpaid) internship, and one Waterstones Christmas job (paid, lovely, temporary), I have entered a slump. After trawling through countless job sites, endlessly repeating my info on application forms, formatting and reformatting my CV and cover letter, I have heard bugger all. Zip. Nada. Not a bloody dickie bird. And, frankly, I’m demoralised.

Convinced that I’m unemployable, I have been steadfast in my quest for the perfect CV template, and have rehashed my cover letter to within an inch of its life. But let’s face it, there are only so many ways to say “hire me please, I’ll be excellent” before you start to sound desperate yet strangely egomaniacal.

The point is that all job applications sound the same, it would be strange if a group of CVs applying for a specific position weren’t at least slightly similar. So I have come to the conclusion that it is pure luck whether you are successful or not. Whether your application happens to be in the first fifty (or five) that the employer has read, before they decide that to go any further through the pile would be about as much fun as using a cheese grater to exfoliate.

So I will try my best to be lucky, because all I want is an interview. If I have that, I don’t even need to get the job. Just knowing that I was good enough to make it into the short list would be enough to spur me on towards a fresh pile of application forms, ready to fill in my A Levels for the 10765th time.

So, attention potential employers: give me an interview, and I’ll be happy.

Did I mention that I am exceptionally good at being interviewed? I’m even better at being employed.

Try me.

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